You little fox you – Part 1

Communication

Song of Solomon 2:15
"Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom"

Click on document icon on top right to download the 'Communication toolkit worksheet'. 

Introduction

Communication has been reduced from its former glory.
Most people communicate only to persuade, to convince, to serve a need, to get what you want. Most communication is for manipulation. Most communication is self-serving. This is a heavy statement.
Person A wants to get person B to do something, say something, agree to something, join something, change their mind on something or admit something.

But communication is meant for so much more.

Some examples of the breadth of communication

The first thing God ever communicates to man, is blessing.

Gen. 1,28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” 29 And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. 30 And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so.

1.    He endorses fruitfulness, producing…
2.    He celebrates multiplication.
3.    He ordains expansion, venturing and pilgrimage.
4.    He orders dominion over environments. Grant – not people.
5.    He communicates provision.

Gen. 2,15   The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. 16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat* of it you shall surely die.”
Gen. 2,18   Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for* him.”

6.    He communicates purpose
7.    He communicates boundaries
8.    He communicates consequences.
9.    He communicates empathy


Communication is meant for so much more…
Encouragement, Advice, Empathy, Instruction, Clarity, Affection, adoration, reasoning, problem identification, problem solving, declaring intentions, asking help, bringing vision, edification, leading, teaching, preaching, singing, artistry, poetry, writing, etching history, definition, expression, loving, sharing experiences, understanding, learning, praying, imparting destiny, dreaming…
We have to recapture the fullness of good communication.
We have to escape using communication for selfish reasons.
We have to acknowledge how this narcissistic, individualized, consumeristic and therapeutical influenced our use of communication.

How will we do this?
1.    Remember the beginning
2.    Remember the end
3.    Unpack and use the right tools for the task of communication

1.    Remember the beginning

Gen. 2,24   Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Declare that the wedding
Was a beginning, not an end.
Was the 2nd best decision you ever made or ever will make
Was full of ignorance
Was destined for God’s glory
Was genuinely blessed by God.
Repent of breaking your vows, of betrayal, of not understanding the promises made, of misrepresenting God and of wanting to come back to those covenant promises made before heaven.
Redo your vows within a day, this time, post the betrayal.

As we have said, it is exactly this backdoor, this sense of having a retreat behind us, that is, to our minds, the sterilizing spirit in modern pleasure. Everywhere there is the persistent and insane attempt to obtain pleasure without paying for it. Thus, in politics the modern Jingoes practically say, 'Let us have the pleasures of conquerors without the pains of soldiers: let us sit on sofas and be a hardy race.' Thus, in religion and morals, the decadent mystics say: 'Let us have the fragrance of sacred purity without the sorrows of self-restraint; let us sing hymns alternately to the Virgin and Priapus.' Thus in love the free-lovers say: 'Let us have the splendour of offering ourselves without the peril of committing ourselves; let us see whether one cannot commit suicide an unlimited number of times.' Emphatically it will not work. There are thrilling moments, doubtless, for the spectator, the amateur, and the aesthete; but there is one thrill that is known only to the soldier who fights for his own flag, to the ascetic who starves himself for his own illumination, to the lover who makes finally his own choice. And it is this transfiguring self-discipline that makes the vow a truly sane thing. It must have satisfied even the giant hunger of the soul of a lover or a poet to know that in consequence of some one instant of decision that strange chain would hang for centuries in the Alps among the silences of stars and snows. All around us is the city of small sins, abounding in backways and retreats, but surely, sooner or later, the towering flame will rise from the harbour announcing that the reign of the cowards is over and a man is burning his ships. GK Chesterton

2.    Remember the end

a.    Biblically (From topical textbook)
i.    The happiness of man, and help for man. Gen 2:18
ii.    Happy homes for godly offspring Mal 2:15
iii.    Preventing sexual immorality – 1 cor 7:2
b.    Personably
i.    For joy (John 3:29)
ii.    For companionship (Gen  2:18)
c.    Prophetically
i.    Christ’s union with His church (Eph 5:23-24, 32)
d.    Church
i.    Household dynamics are helpful in churches.
ii.    Good households are prerequisites to eldering in God’s house.


3.    Which brings us to NOW

1.    Know thyself!
a.    Reading our emotional dashboards
i.    What are emotions for?
ii.    The gift of pain – Paul Brand, same reason for emotional signs
iii.    Emotions are gauges on the dashboard of your life.
iv.    They help you to see the invisible world, the things of the Spirit, the psychological realities.
v.    If you didn’t have them, you would be a spiritual leper.
b.    STOP, THINK, PRAY.
i.    This is so simple, yet so not done…
c.    Holy Spirit as helper. (Mandy)
2.    Recognize your idols
a.    Mandy… “My idols give me comfort, but I hate your idols with a passion.”
b.    Recognize your idols. They are the big demons behind your little struggles.
3.    Vow to murder manipulation
a.    In women >> Seduction or lack of seduction
b.    In men >> Domination or becoming a worm/puppy
4.    Overcome irritation
a.    Discuss with your spouse
i.    Where is it from?
1.    Deep-seated anger (unresolved issues)
2.    Loss of control
a.    Poverty
b.    Death
c.    Discipline
d.    Practically speaking
3.    Unmet expectations
a.    History
b.    Mental diet
c.    Promises made and broken
d.    The person in the corner
5.    Identifying booby traps
a.    Withdrawal/Moodiness
b.    Poking/Stirring/Pressing
c.    Fake defeats (OK, I am evil and you are just perfect!)
d.    Expressive/Suppressive
e.    Verbal or meditative.
i.    I talk to think. Mandy thinks to talk.
f.    Women communicates emotions, men communicate facts.
g.    Taking the battle into public
h.    Taking the battle into private
i.    Blameshifting or excuses
j.    Self-pity
k.    OK….. REPENT BEFORE YOUR SPOUSE NOW
6.    Some helps
a.    Fix things vertically first.
b.    God responds to humility, repentance, brave acknowledgments, and so will your spouse.
c.    Accurate diagnosis (Glasses example)
d.    Listen.
e.    Remove the sting of accusation.
i.    Accusation implies, “I know your intentions and they are bad.”
ii.    Rather declare the best intentions believed.
f.    Discern and declare your emotions. Get them out of the way.
g.    Be a man/woman of faith. God responds to faith and so will your spouse.
h.    Make progress points.
i.    Some people don’t progress in a fight.

QnA (Download Communication Toolkit Worksheet by clicking on red document icon at the top of this page).